Everybody Cheats-V

“Her” head lay on my stomach. Looking at the ceiling, I was having that heavenly cigarette ‘after’. She had long hair. Black. It was spread over my stomach and down wards. Till my knees. I am ticklish there, but never told her. Looked like a bucket of black paint poured over my lower body. She was holding her diary in one hand. Her feet dangling from the edge of the bed.

“As the only gift you gave me
Stirred as emotions in my soul
And they flowed through me like an elixir
Through my veins to make me whole

Oh, give me back the passion
Flamed as fire in your urgent touch
So deny me of your caresses
But the passion I need so much

Why would you want to take it?
For in you, it has no use
but for me it heals the hurt
it’s a voice to express my views

Oh, give me back the passion
that you awakened as forbidden desire
just keep the words I’ve longed for
but in stealing my passion…you’ve stolen my fire!”

She was reading her attempt to translation from Leria Hawkins poem. She loved to translate those in her mother tongue. I never really liked her translations. When she writes her own, they make somewhat some sense. But her translations always seems to be a paragraph of prose out of nowhere. I never told her so. Her middle finger tip of the other hand was trying to write those words on my chest.

It was Tuesday. Lazy day. I dint go to work. But took off from home on time. Wife forewarned to put up a brave fancy ‘all is fine’ front while in-laws are visiting. They are at home. For a week. I promised to be early and spend some time with them. I knew I will fail to return home early. How easy I lie. Convincingly too.

I loved her hair. Once she wanted to have a short cropped hair. I like short hair. Dev dint let her. Dev was on tour till the weekend. This was pre planned meeting. Same routine. Date, time, timing of entry at Sheila’s apartment. Clockwise precision. Guess I was not listening her words, because when she stopped reading and moving her fingers on my chest I dint notice. I moved my hand over her to put off the cig in ashtray. Saw her clothes strewn around the room. I always kept my clothes neatly in bathroom. Her clothes were always in mess all over the apartment. While moving over her, I noticed she has stopped reading.

I mumbled, “ Hmmm?”.

She almost whispered, “ Spoke to Sheila, she is in Singapore till Sunday”.

I pulled her head over my chest again. Quiet.

She whispered again, “ Dev is on tour, kids at summer camp”.

My fingers were combing her hair. Her fingers hesitant on my chest. Has she finished writing her poem on my chest with her finger tip?

No words. Silence.

I knew whats coming. At that point of time , was I scared that I have to spend the night with ‘her’ here in Sheila’s apartment? Did I want to? Was it scare? Was it excitement? To be honest till today I really don’t know what it was.

I broke the silence, “ We never woke up together in bed”

She this time clearly spoke, “ I am not going home tonight”

I keep quiet.

She whispered again, “ Balcony is on East…. Sunrise”.

This time I whispered, mumbled rather, “ I know”.

My mind racing. Logic, excuses, reasons. Can I skip home for 2 nights? Office is no problem. But wife knows my tour is on set pattern and never during this month. How  the hell I explain this sudden tour that only just for 2 days? In laws raised eye brow I see already..

I light up another cigarette, “ Naah…. cant”. .. Clear voice this time.

I got off the bed. Bathroom. Clothes. Comb. Shoes were at the door in living room. Came out of bathroom. She was still on bed, looking at the ceiling. Diary held in one hand.

 I look for my car keys on the bed side table, “ You want to leave before me?”.

Without a word, she sits on bed, ties a knot with her hair on top of her head. Isn’t she beautiful ! A painting really. I really wanted her to cut her hair.

She lies down on the bed, sideways, “ I am staying here tonight”. She said that with such scaring finality.

…” I have to go, have to meet someone”. Till such time she dint know about my shrink and the wrong-chaired doc. She kept quiet.

.. “ I am leaving, will call you”.

I left the apartment. Car.  I have enough time, even at this traffic. Today I won’t be late for my shrink appointment.  I drive. Thoughts and more thoughts. What she will have for dinner at Sheila’s apartment tonight? Won’t she feel bored all alone at that apartment?

Shrink’s chamber. Parked. Locked the car. Would I get the coffee today here? Doc’s baai must be here today. We always had a coffee before leaving Sheila’s place. Today I dint. What the shrink will come up with? Jeez.. Do I have the money to fill gas while returning? I check. I have enough.

Doc’s steps. 1^st one. 2^nd step. I pause a pico-second. Turn around. Back to car. I started the car. Less traffic on the reverse way. I am at the parking basement of Shiela’s apartment block. ‘Her’ car still parked there. Red, Maruti Zen. I wanted to park it next to hers. NO space.I have to make the call to wife. My mind already rehearsing the conversation while I push the elevator button.

….” Its an emergeny.. on my way to airport.. yes..its a court case hearing of our client..documents… day after evening flight.. no clothes needed… I will manage. Yes.. no. They will understand.. you explain..I will talk to your parents…. “.

I missed the appointment with my shrink too.