"Everybody Cheats- IV"

Thursday Afternoon.I was late :( Hope my shrink doesnt pout. Surprisingly her chamber was empty. I thought its closed. But the entrance door was open. No waiting patients. Nor I could see the coffee making baai. The receptionist who checks the list of appointments was absent. I looked around. knocked on her door. Entered. Voila !

Doc- you are late !

Me- sorry doc.. the traffic..... [ I left my sentence hung in mid air]

Doc- One of my staff is getting married today, they all left for the wedding. I was waiting for you.

Me- Sorry I dint know , we can reschedule this some other day hmm? [ How I was hoping to leave her chamber , hoping she will agree and I can scoot instantly !]

Doc- No its okay really, am going late there.

She started looking at a yellow flat file, may be my previous convo and notes, jotting some thing. I crossing & uncrossing my legs on the opposite chair. She has two suitcases at the corner of the floor. Both red. same size. I would purchased two different colors. Never red. Black or blue. Even gray would have done. Silence.

Doc- sorry cant offer you coffee today [ still jotting something]

Me- Its ok doc.

Doc- Who is she?

Me- [ her Q dint baffle me or dint take me by surprise, as if I was waiting for this question since day one] Dev's wife, err, friends... i mean we are family friends. Business relations too with Dev ,I have.

Doc- No...

[Her No took me by real surprise and bafflement this time. What the hell she is upto? Someone else she meant? Gawd, she assumes I am a casanova or what? Jeez, I am having my mind.life, complicated life so full with just her ,only her..well so far ]

Doc- who is she to you, for you?

Me- Ummm, well I dont follow...you see doc..

Doc- She is someone's wife, mother to her kids, daughter to her parents ,daughter in law to Dev's parents, niece may be for some, cousin to few but what I asked....

Ahhh I got it now !

Me- A woman.

Doc- just a woman huh?

Me- friend too and....

Doc- a friend who happens to be a woman?

Me- well..no.....

Doc- No?

Me- I feel no-walls while am with her , I feel liberated, I sense...... [ here i paused]

Doc- Keep talking, err.. am sure I told you all sessions are being audio recorded, confidentiality guranteed and association & medical council approved and as per norms.

Me- I saw the fine prints while enrolling for the treatment here, yes.

Doc- so..liberation, nowalls... hmm.. carry on

Me- she is a confidante, friend...yes doc, I feel I be just myself with her.

She adjusts her hair.Puts that loose strand of hair back of her right ear. I hate her chair still. Doc waiting for me to continue. damn this is worse than a job interview or viva voce exam !

Me- I get a space with her doc, my own space. Things..

 I mean there are things which I cant talk even to my wife but I want to... she is there, she listens.

Doc- Do you lie?

Me- what? what lie?

Doc- In general i meant., do you lie to people? people in your daily life, family hm?

Me- I dont know

Doc- [ I never seen any doc laughing like that, she looks so ugly when she laughs like that, can I throw this glass paper weight on her face?] .." you dont know!'...

Me- well... i mean, yes.. white lies may be, like everyone else, harmless really . Business I got to run., and after this.. sometimes to my wife when its needed... just.. i mean...

Doc- ok, I got it but what I asked were you lieing about those nowalls, liberation, ownspace and things like that?

Me- well.. yes and no.. you see... i dint think about those before you asked me doc, but now that you mentioned... what i said are  true too. Nope , I dont think I did lie totally when I said those about my feeling while being with her. [ I was pretty convincing to myself !]

Doc- when did it get over?

Me- well its not totally over yet, but I feel its over [ Why cdnt I tell her , it was few hours ago that I was with her... and..]

Doc- when you two last time..... [ she left it there..]

Me- last week [ confidently I lied this time !]  we met last week for an hour, Talked a lot[ I stressed so much on 'talked a lot' aspect ]

Doc- [Looking straight between my eyes] I asked when was last time ..... it was physical.

Me- About a month ago I think....

Doc- you sure?

Me- well almost a month, but doc..

Doc- yes, it is neccessary , I need to know. You need not answer what you dont want to, it wont hamper your treatment as such.[ The way she said 'treatment' as if I am a cancer patient or a HIV+ !!]

Me- well.. umm.. about 2 weeks ago I guess.

Doc- why do you feel its over?

Me- well doc.. Cant pinpoint really. But feel its in the air between us and yes.... [ I stopped here..]

Doc- and?

Me- She said somthing....

Doc- what?

Me- I am a very good husband material but ..

Doc- But?

Me- But so is her husband, she said. I am a very difficult man to have something like this for a married woman... I mean , what she meant was... I may be a ok husband but absoloutely no-go to have an extramarital affair with. [ There ! I cd blurt out those at last !]

Doc- Did she say that?

Me- No.. Not in those words... but I thought she meant those.

Doc- Hmm, thats all for today. I have changed your valium. No more needed. In fact I have not given you any medication yet. Let me see....[ checks a paper...] day after tommorrow.. err na.. lets make it Tuesday hmm? Ok?

Me- 3 pm?

Doc- fine

I get up from my chair.. am I relieved or confused or mad at this shrink?

Doc- can you give me a lift to Cannaught place? Ahhh its the other way for you...

Me- No.. its okay.. come on.

Doc- give me 10 mints to wind up here.

Me- sure. [ I come out, sit at her waiting area]

Nothing happened in car. In fact we hardly spoke. Mundane journey to Cannaught Place. Only she fiddled a lot with my car door while getting off, I had to lean over and open it for her as I cdnt get out on the other side due to terrible trrafic condition at that hour.

Notes from my Diary:-

I lied to her. Does that mean I may be treated wrongly? They say, never lie to your doc. So what? Its my doc who said , every body cheats. Every body lies too. Dont they?They must. What the heck, Tuesday I will tell her all. No more lies. But , why the F*** she needs so much details? Why cant she just check my pulse and write a prescription like most docs??...Sometimes the lies one tells are less frightening than the loneliness one might feel if stopped telling them.... someone said this .. donno who.

I failed the appointement on next Tuesday. Next episode.. why I failed. happy reading till then folks:-)